And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
