the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
