I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
