PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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