You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
