hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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