Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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