He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
