Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize