no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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