After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
