I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
