I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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