am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize