Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
