There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
