Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
