I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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