Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
