with your own penis?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize