THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
