omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
