I just threw up on my dentist
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
