i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize