i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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