ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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