allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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