he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
