Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
