But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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