My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
