I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
