He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
