I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
