it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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