I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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