I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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