you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
