what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
