am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
