There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize