I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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