Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You ate ashes out of my bong
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
