i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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