Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
