Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wow bdsm is so cute
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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