he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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