i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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