So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
