There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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