I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
