Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
