are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
