I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
