How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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