just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
