My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
