just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
