D3 body, D1 cock
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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