sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Enjoy the penises
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
