If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
