Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize