I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
