we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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