i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
