Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
