there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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