Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
