haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize