Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
