a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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