ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
