i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
