I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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