Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
