I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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