if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will pee on everything he values.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
