I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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