A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
