i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Are we in a gay sports bar?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
