i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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