Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
