I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize