I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
