the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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