forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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