New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
