Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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