I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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