from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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