the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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