I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize