Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
