i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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