I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
