11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
