I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
