I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
