I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
