You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
