You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
