Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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