He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
