theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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