It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Soap is not a condiment
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
your like the ambassador to my penis.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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