Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
