I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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